Clash of the Titans

Info:

Genre: Action, fantasy, adventure

Director/s: Louis Leterrier

Writer/s: Travis Beacham, Phil Hay & Matt Manfredi

Running Time: 118 mins

Budget: $125 million

Released: 02 April 2010

Plot:

The mortal son of the god Zeus embarks on a perilous journey to stop the underworld and its minions from spreading their evil to Earth as well as the heavens – imdb

Review:

Given the success of Avatar (though for the life of me I don’t see why), it’s only natural that filmmakers will want to recruit Sam Worthington as a protagonist in their films and this time around Worthington finds himself playing Perseus (the demigod son of Zeus) in a remake of the 1981 film of the same name; Clash of the Titans.  Unfortunately, there’s far more trash than clash in this lackluster attempt at an epic tale of the struggle between man and god.

I must say, a big ‘well done’ needs to go towards the marketing guys as they did a stellar job in hyping this film, so much so that after all the posters and trailers you’d be forgiven for thinking that Clash of the Titans could be the most awesome thing in the history of film.  Sadly that isn’t the case.

Sadly, not even the awesome powers of Liam Neeson could save Clash of the Titans.

With so much material to work with (c’mon, the entire Greek Mythology pantheon!) it’s a small wonder how this film managed to suck ass on so many levels, it seems that effects-driven films with shitty acting and poor scripting are fine as long as it has pretty actors or is shown in 3D (I hate this 3D fad and more so when I hear things like; Avatar’s storyline is better in 3D – wtf people??).  The main problem with this film is pacing, or lack thereof, everything happens to damn quickly which immediately drains the ‘epic’ out of a film of this genre.  And why make a film that’s ‘very loosely’ based on the Greek myth when following the actual story properly would equal absolute epicness? Because it’s easier that way and can be achieved following these steps:

  1. Choose to do a remake of a film or adaptation of a beloved novel, play, poem etc.
  2. Take source material (script) into toilet stall but don’t read it in an attempt to visualize how it could be adapted into something awesome.  Instead, place source material into toilet and take a huge diarrhea dump all over it completely submerging it in fecal matter.
  3. Now that the original story has been completely destroyed, proceed with hiring the most popular cash cows (actors of the moment) to be in film adaptation regardless of acting ability.
  4. Take the few remaining pages of source material that weren’t covered in shit and attempt to convert that into an ‘epic’ adaptation that will enthrall audiences around the globe.
  5. Because people are stupid, make sure that your film is in 3D too as this will boost film’s ‘epic factor’.
  6. Combine cheesy acting with shoddy effects-heavy scenes that somehow manage to be frenetic and boring simultaneously.
  7. DO NOT pace your film, instead cram as much liquid shit into 118 mins in order to bewilder audiences long enough so that they sit through your used tampon of a ‘film’ with the hopes that epicness is just around the corner.
  8. Key factor – DO NOT DELIVER EPICNESS.
  9. Make tonnes of money at the expense of your viewers as you are a filthy cunt that couldn’t give a damn about integrity or passion for original source material.
  10. Congratulate yourself as you have released another shitty adaptation in traditional Hollywood style.  Proceed to snort coke, have unprotected sex with $2 whores and die of AIDS.

…The main problem with this film is pacing, or lack thereof…

What made matters worse is that prior to watching Clash of the Titans, I had just completed all three God of War games on PS3 and I must say that after having my mind blown thrice (specially with God of War 3) Clash of the Titans seemed very tame, especially after Kratos violently beat Perseus to death in GOW2, making it kind of difficult to root for a dead loser in Clash of the Titans.  With poor character development (or lack thereof more accurately), choppy action sequences and plot holes the size of the moon, I found this film to be horribly generic and a complete waste of time really.  Not even Liam Neeson (Zeus) could save this steaming heap of dung as Clash of the Titans begins too fast and ends too quickly with one tired action flick cliché after the next. My advice, avoid at all costs though if you must watch it, rather wait for the DVD release.

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